Five on Friday - End of January

Happy Friday!  I'm looking forward to this weekend so much!

One. 

I've found an awesome new site. For those of you who love the show Shark Tank, you may have already seen this. It's called Groove Book and it's amazing! For a $2.99 a month monthly subscription, you can upload up to 100 of the photos on your phone to their app. They in turn, mail you a 4.5" x 6.5" bound photo book with all of the pictures. The pictures are printed on glossy photo paper and perforated for easy removal. Each photo is labeled with the date and location of the photo - within the bounding of the book - not actually on your photos! This is great for those of us who never print our photos! Maybe it will help motivate me to create more albums! I've got tons of pictures, but they live on my computer!

Two.

I'm meeting up and having lunch with one of my best friend's from college! We meeting for lunch on Saturday and I absolutely can't wait! It's going to be amazing to catch up with her. It's been far too long!

Laura (far left) and I, during our college days.  Talk about a throw back!

Laura and I at my wedding

Three.

For those of you who follow me on Instagram, you have already seen this, but I thought it was momentous enough to talk about for Five on Friday! McKenzie's hair is finally long enough to put up! Not only that, she actually had enough patience to let me put it up! It's a small miracle! I just can't get over how adorable she looks!

Four.
I am so excited that it's February tomorrow! Who doesn't love a month that celebrates love!? To start our celebration, I'll be making this wreath over the weekend. Amy from Keepin' Up With The Smiths posted it! Love, love, love it!

Keepin' Up With The Smiths

Five.

I'm ready for warmer weather!  The magic of the holidays and the cold weather has warn off.  Give me spring days and sunshine!  I need it in my life!  Oh...and flip flops!  As soon as it hits 55, they're out!

Check out Darci over at The Good Life Blog and her friends for some more Five on Friday Fun!

There's Just Something...

So I'm not sure what it is...but there's just something about the connection between a mother and a daughter.

I know this is true, because I have this connection with my mom. I've seen it develop and evolve. I've seen it become stronger than I could have ever imagined. Simply put, I'm just not sure what I would do without my mom.

I always hoped and prayed that if I ever had a daughter, that we would have the same connection. I just had no idea that it would happen and be so strong early on.

We've been struggling on the sleep front in our house. It's a battle to get her to sleep and some nights, she just doesn't want to stay asleep.

Last week was a particularly rough week. Wednesday night, McKenzie went to sleep perfectly. I rocked her and put her down and all was well. Brian left for night shift, so it was just her and I. At about 1 a.m., the night from hell happened. She woke up and came to her door. She was calling for me. I went in and got her. I rocked her and sat with her and she went back to sleep...for 20 minutes. Then she was up again. I tried all of the tactics I knew.  I made sure she had a clean diaper. She wasn't acting like she was in pain or not feeling well, but I checked her temperature anyway. Perfectly normal. She wasn't hungry or thirsty.

She just wanted to be awake.

And awake she was from 1 until 5 a.m. Just her and I. I was not happy. I begged and pleaded for her to sleep. It just wasn't happening. She wanted to talk and ask questions and babble. I ended up breaking my cardinal rule and brought her in to bed with me. She continued to lay there and talk until 5 a.m. I was so frustrated, but I was able to get a few minutes of sleep until my alarm went off at 5:40. Awesome. I just knew Thursday was going to be a great day...

I trudged through work and dealt with situations that tried my absolute patience. The end of the day came and I packed up to go home. I made it! I figured that Kenzie would have been so tired that she would have slept a lot at daycare. I arrived and asked how her day was...to which I received the response, "She fought nap hard, but eventually gave in". What was this child's aversion to sleep!!?!?!?!?!?!

We drove home and had a nice evening together. Brian and I had a discussion about how we needed to get out of the habit of me rocking her to sleep each night, because it wasn't good for her and won't be good for me if we end up getting pregnant again. I agreed, but know McKenzie. Things have to be gradual with her. She doesn't handle change well and abrupt and sudden change rocks her world. You'd think her Dad would understand this, since he is the exact same way, but sometimes the straight forwardness of being a police officer blinds him!

We started the bedtime routine and tried reading to her while she was in bed. She fought that. Then we tried reading to her while she sat in my lap on the floor. We wanted to remove the rocker from the situation because she associates that with being rocked to sleep. Well...she wouldn't even let us read to her on the floor. She kept going to the chair and pointing and saying, "Here. Here. Here", in the most pitiful little voice. She was breaking my heart.

At this point, she's was overly tired and screaming, I was exhausted. Brian and I were quietly fighting. We just weren't sure what the best way to handle the situation was. After many dirty looks to one another, we finally determined that this was not the night to break a routine. Everyone was exhausted and he was leaving for work. I rocked her to sleep. She slept through the night. Thank the Lord!

It was what happened in those moments after I started rocking that caught me off guard.  It was in that moment that I felt our connection was stronger than ever.

Overly tired and frustrated, I sobbed as I rocked her to sleep. I wasn't sure how to break her of this, but I knew just putting her in the bed wasn't the answer. I sat rocking and crying...the really ugly, can't catch your breath, sobs kind of cry.

As I was crying, Kenzie reaching up and said, "Mama...Mama" with more concern in her voice that I have ever heard from her. She rubbed my cheek and just kept saying, "Mama sad. Mama sad". She kept leaning in to kiss me. Then it happened - the moment that made me sob even harder - she reached for my hand and held it as tight as she could. She pulled it towards her, kissed it and then drifted off to sleep, all while holding my hand tighter than she ever has before.

My sobs lessened and I looked at my little girl. The tears still streamed, though now for a different reason. It was in that moment that I realized, we get one another. She gets me and I get her. She knows my heart and I know hers. We have a connection that is strong and different.  She is my girl.

I know there will come a time when we are warring and not the best of friends. My mom and I went through it. I know it will happen. I also know that most of our fights will come from the fact that we are so similar. She is my heart and soul and I thank God every day for the connection that I have with her.

Sleep's been great since and we've started transitioning...little by little. She's not fighting it nearly as much and we'll get there. We'll take baby steps and we'll get there. I know this. I know my girl.

Weekend Highlights

I'm linking up with Jasam at The Opulent Owl for a weekend highlights series!  Feel free to visit her and join in the link-up as well!

First, I'd like to thank those of you who kept my sister in your prayers. The messages and emails meant so much! She did great during the procedure and everything looks good with the AVM (well...as good as an AVM can look. It'll be even better when it's not there!). The surgeon was able to get all of the pictures that the radiation oncologist will need to determine strength of frequency of treatment. Those will be schedule in the near future and the process will begin. Although I know my sister is not looking forward to any of this, it's a step in the right direction - shrinking and ultimately diminishing the AVM, so it no longer poses a threat to my sister's health. I'll keep you posted.

Friday night, Brian, McKenzie and I decided that it would be a movie night! We ran out to Redbox and rented Despicable Me 2. It was adorable and Kenzie loved it. She kept saying Minion every time she say them and insisted that we put her hat on - just like the little girl, Edith, in the movie. This is how she watched almost all of the movie!

Saturday, we had a relaxing morning, with a pancake breakfast and play time. I was invited to a jewelry party with one of my good friend's, Heather, so this mama was able to sneak away for 2 hour to attend that! It was nice to have some adult conversation and interaction, without being needed every moment! I have not laughed that hard in forever! I'm very lucky to have such great friends and family in my life!

After the party, we stopped by my in-law's for dinner. My mother-in-law is an incredible cook and the company was even better! It was a great evening!

Sunday, we went to church!  This has become a highlight for my week.  McKenzie goes to the cribbery and has a great time playing with other children and Brian and I have a moment to ourselves...together. To reconnect, to refocus and to get our mind in the right place for the upcoming week. I am thankful that we've started attending again! It was never that easy with a baby. I always felt like I would spend my time in the cry room. Although I could still hear the service, I was distracted by McKenzie nursing on running around, so I often felt like I never got the full message. In my mind, what was the point of going just to say I went, when I wasn't getting anything out of the service or even hearing the message. I'm thankful McKenzie is older now and we are able to attend again.

We spent the afternoon visiting with my Dad, Step-Mom and brother. McKenzie was a ham and enjoyed spending time with them!

Then it was home to do laundry and prepare for the week! It wasn't a super eventful weekend, but one that was a great mix of fun and relaxation!

Ready to start this week, but already looking forward to the fun that's in store for the weekend! I get to see my old college roommate! I can't wait!

P.S. Sorry for the lack of pictures! I haven't been great about taking them lately! I promise I'll get better! :)

Five on Friday

Happy Friday everyone! Another week in the books! I'm not even sure how January is almost over! Time is flying.

One. 

Please keep my sister in your prayers. I've written about her and her journey here. She is currently having an angiogram done today to view the size and placement of her AVM. The doctors want to see if there have been significant changes since her stroke. From here, they will determine the amount and frequency of radiation that she will need to undergo. She's as tough as they come, but still anxious about all of it. Please keep her in your thoughts!

Two.
I started reading The Fault In Our Stars Friday evening. By Monday morning, I was done. It was an incredible book and very fitting, because Sunday was the three year anniversary of me losing one of my best friends.  You can read about it here. Although the premise of loss was different, I found myself deeply feeling what the characters were gong through. It wasn't a long book, but if you are looking for a great read, I highly recommend this book.  I've clearly been bit by the reading bug! I just downloaded a new book for this weekend - The Pact by Jodi Picoult. I'm about 2 chapters in so far and love it!

Three.

I worked on an art project for Valentine's Day with McKenzie using the supplies below.  How did it turn out?  Check out the blog next week to find out!

Four.

So it's not the clearest picture, but it will do! We got a sneak peek at some of the photos from the wedding that I was recently in. They are beautiful and I can't wait to see more! Here are the girls from the wedding. Instead of flowers, we carried a muff, that had a broach and callalily attached to it. So fitting for a January wedding. 

Five.

The weather has been crazy here this week with freezing temps and lots of snow.  The sunrise before the storm was absolutely amazing though! Well worth all of the mess!

Enjoy your weekend everyone!

Check out Darci over at The Good Life Blog and her friends for some more Five on Friday Fun!

The time I met a boy and fell in love...

That's when our story began. That's when I first met him. That's when I became one of the lucky ones.

Maybe I'm refusing to grow up but it seems like just yesterday.  January 22, 2003. 

It was a blind date. We both went to different schools. My best friend, Kara, who I went to school with was dating Mark. Mark went to school with Brian and they were friends. Kara had been talking about setting me up with Brian for a few months before we actually met. He had a girlfriend at the time, but Kara would always mention him in conversation and tout how perfect we would be for one another.  I never gave it much thought. 

Then January rolled around. Brian was newly single. There was testing at our school and if you were a Senior, you were exempt from the testing, so we weren't required to be at school until 11.  Kara asked if I wanted to go out to breakfast with her and Mark and that I could meet Brian. I was hesitant, but said yes. 

We all met at Kara's and headed to Einstein bagels for breakfast. I vividly remember seeing Brian for the first time and thinking...what in the world!? He had on an olive green bomber jacket -circa middle school. He had his arm in a sling. I wasn't even sure what I was getting myself in to.  He was cute but his fashion sense was questionable at best. 

Breakfast was uneventful. There was conversation but nothing noteworthy.  I actually thought Brian was an ass. I noticed a large scar that spanned the entire length of his forearm. When I asked what had happened, he responded, "shark bite". Oh, so he thought he was funny.  I never got the true story until later. 

We ended breakfast and drove back to Kara's. We said our goodbyes and headed off to school.  I honestly thought it was a flop of a date - he didn't even ask for my number!  

Later that evening, my phone rang and it was Brian! I was shocked. He had gotten my number from Kara, which scored him a few more points in my eyes. We ended up talking for a decent amount of time and I enjoyed our conversation. He asked me out on a date the following Saturday, which ended up turning out much better than our breakfast date.  He was a really great guy!

Throughout the years, we've had our ups and downs. We've been through a lot. Yet through it all, I've never been more thankful for that morning on January 22nd at the little bagel shop. 

I love you Brian!  Happy 11 years and here's to many more!

Look at the date!  We were on a cruise on McKenzie's birthday!
Little did we know that 5 years later, we would welcome her into our lives!

Five on Friday

Happy Friday! We made it! It's time for the weekly edition of 5 on Friday! Link-up and join in the fun!

One. 

This weekend, I am so excited that we have absolutely nothing major planned! Prior to October, we have had an event every weekend! Add in the craziness of the holiday season and this Mama is tired! We can do what we want to do and have no real obligations! Thank goodness!

Two. 

Last weekend, Brian and I were both in a wedding in New Jersey. I can't wait for some of the pictures to be finalized, because I can't wait to show you. It was one of the nicest weddings that I've ever been to...and probably will ever go to! To give you some idea, Torrey Smith (wide receiver for the Baltimore Ravens) had his wedding there over the summer. I can't even begin to describe it. The pictures will tell all! Stay tuned!

Three.

I received the Whitney English Day Designer for Christmas and I am loving it! So does someone else apparently!

I'm such a planner though and feeling like we need a way to organize the items for our home! I'm really loving the Emily Ley Simplified Life Binder.  

I can see Brian rolling his eye's now...like how many binders do we really need! It's an illness, I'll admit it! Yet, if something ever happened to me, he would be able to pick up right where I left off...and I'm sure he'd be thankful for that! It's a purchase that's happening in the very near future!

Four. 

McKenzie started a new class - gymnastics! We've done the MyGym routine before, but wanted to try something different. Tuesday night was her second session and was much better than the first. She completely didn't want to cooperate the first time!  Circle time - no way!  Following directions?  It was as if we were speaking a different language!

This week it was like she was a different child! She engaged, tried new things and followed directions perfectly! What a toddler!

This class is a little chaotic, but fun. They're learning basic skills - such as tumblesaults, balance and going under and over obstacles. It goes until the end of March so I can't wait to see how much more she learns! Plus, we're taking it with friends - twins, which makes it that much better!

Five.

I am not a huge reader - other than blogs obviously - but I am feeling that need to read! I just want to unwind every night with a little reading. This ultimately means it will take me months to read a book, because I fall asleep after a few short minutes! I've heard great things about The Fault in Our Stars by John Green and have just downloaded it to start tonight! Have any of you read this yet?

What are some other great read's?

Check out Darci over at The Good Life Blog and her friends for some more Five on Friday Fun!

A Little Perspective

I recently attended a retreat for a group that I'm a part of at work. It's a peer responder group that helps staff members remain resilient after stressful patient related events. Most of the time, it's from complicated care or unexpected outcomes. It's purpose is to treat the second victim in ways that minimize burnout and drop out. It's a truly great program!

What I thought was going to be a retreat to hone in on my peer responder skills, turned into a renewing and revitalizing retreat for me personally.

I've been feeling anxious and stressed. As most Mom's do, I often feel pulled in a million directions. As much as I try to remind myself that I am only one person and that the dishes/cleaning/straightening can wait, I also know that sometimes things need to get done and I'm not always able to play. It's a balance and one that continually strive to find.

McKenzie has been extra needy recently. There are weeks where she does great - actively playing on her own for small amounts of time and then, BAM! She needs me next to her for everything. And I mean like right next to her! Sitting near her isn't enough. You must be on the floor and she has to be in your lap. I often call her my kangaroo and tell her to get in my pouch, because I believe if she could, she would!

I know these moments are fleeting and that one day I will long for her to want to spend time with me. I know that she won't want me to be that close forever.

As I was thinking about all of that one my drive in, the retreat opened with this slide...

I could feel myself starting to fill up. It completely puts things into perspective. Whether we're going through a difficult time in life, or just the every-day struggles of motherhood and balance, these will be the most cherished times of my life. 

I'm pretty sure this says it all. It's all about perspective. If I can remind myself of this daily, then I can learn to see the beauty of all of the these little moments...messy house and all!