Five on Friday

Happy Friday everyone! Another week in the books! I'm not even sure how January is almost over! Time is flying.

One. 

Please keep my sister in your prayers. I've written about her and her journey here. She is currently having an angiogram done today to view the size and placement of her AVM. The doctors want to see if there have been significant changes since her stroke. From here, they will determine the amount and frequency of radiation that she will need to undergo. She's as tough as they come, but still anxious about all of it. Please keep her in your thoughts!

Two.
I started reading The Fault In Our Stars Friday evening. By Monday morning, I was done. It was an incredible book and very fitting, because Sunday was the three year anniversary of me losing one of my best friends.  You can read about it here. Although the premise of loss was different, I found myself deeply feeling what the characters were gong through. It wasn't a long book, but if you are looking for a great read, I highly recommend this book.  I've clearly been bit by the reading bug! I just downloaded a new book for this weekend - The Pact by Jodi Picoult. I'm about 2 chapters in so far and love it!

Three.

I worked on an art project for Valentine's Day with McKenzie using the supplies below.  How did it turn out?  Check out the blog next week to find out!

Four.

So it's not the clearest picture, but it will do! We got a sneak peek at some of the photos from the wedding that I was recently in. They are beautiful and I can't wait to see more! Here are the girls from the wedding. Instead of flowers, we carried a muff, that had a broach and callalily attached to it. So fitting for a January wedding. 

Five.

The weather has been crazy here this week with freezing temps and lots of snow.  The sunrise before the storm was absolutely amazing though! Well worth all of the mess!

Enjoy your weekend everyone!

Check out Darci over at The Good Life Blog and her friends for some more Five on Friday Fun!

The Thankful Project: Day 5 - A Talent You Have

I am good at a lot of things, but nothing more so than the other.  I don’t have any quirky talents.  I am not a record holder of any title.  The thing I am good at comes naturally to me.  Others marvel at how I do it.
I’m thankful that, even in the worst circumstances, I am able to hold it all together.  I take a step back and look at what needs to be done.  If I don’t know how to do it, I look it up, I Google it, I figure it out.
That is my talent.  I hold it all together.  I know it doesn't seem like much, but it has helped me immensely in more than one circumstance.

When my sister was in the hospital, I became everyone’s rock.  I asked the questions that no one else thought to ask, I came up with lists of what needed to be done, I obtained access to my sister’s accounts and made sure that her bills were paid, and I worked hard to keep it all together – for everyone’s sake.
Although I’m great at keeping it together, it doesn't mean that it doesn't affect me.  If you ask Brian how many countless nights I cried on the way home, cried in his lap, cried going to bed….just cried in general, he would answer EVERY. SINGLE. NIGHT.  You know what?  I woke up the next morning and trudged through the challenges that the next day would bring.  I did what needed to be done each day and knew that I had the evenings to let it all go.

I know it’s not that great of a talent.  I can’t touch my nose with my tongue or wiggle my ears, but what I can do is to keep it together - to be the voice of reason, to be the calm in the storm.
I’m not sure how useful of a talent it is, but it works for me!    What is a talent that you have that you’re thankful for?

I'm linking up with Kenzie over at Chasing Happy for the month of November.Be sure to stop by and check it out!

The Thankful Project: Day 4 - An Experience

It sounds awful to say this, but I’m thankful for my sister’s AVM and stroke.  I know it sounds awful to say that, but it’s true.

I’m not thankful that she had to have such a traumatic experience for an otherwise routine procedure.  I am not thankful or happy that she had to endure so much pain and had to work so hard to regain her strength.  I am thankful though however for what that experience did to our relationship.

Growing up, my sister and I were not close.  We fought more often than not!  When you would ask my mom what she wanted for her Birthday, Christmas or Mother’s Day, she would reply – “For you two to get along!”.   We were polar opposites.  If I said the sky was blue, Jessica would say it was pink – just to be different.  I was neat and always organized…and she…was a hot mess!

We tolerated each other more the older that we got, but the experience that changed it all was her hospitalization. It was during this time that we realized we’re more alike than we could ever imagine and that we truly are the best of friends.

Early on in her hospital stay, she was intubated and couldn't speak.  For parts of the day, she would be alert.  It was during those times, that she tried to communicate with us.  She would motion that she wanted something to write and then she would scribble away.  She’s a lefty, so her handwriting is often hard to read on a good day, but due to her hands being restrained (so she wouldn't pull the breathing tube out) and the high-powered medications she was on, her writing was often illegible.  She would scribble and adamantly point at what she had written.   At first, no one could figure out what she was saying.  Her frustration grew.  We never got full thoughts, but rather words and short phrases.  I was in the room one day as she motioned to write.  Here is what I saw:

Feel like I'm choking...Cough

When can tube come out. I bit my tongue...something to put on it. The anesthesiologist said that when...

Can I roll over. I'm thirsty. I feel like I have something stuck in my throat.

I began guessing what she was trying to say.  She was so excited and kept giving thumbs up that someone finally understood.  That was the start of it all. She continued to communicate - that she had bills that were due and was worried about them not being paid.  Through chicken-scratch and a game that was similar to charades, I was able to obtain her log-on’s to all of her websites and to pay her bills.  I wanted her to have one less thing to worry about and she was so worried that it would affect her credit.

Eventually, the breathing tube came out, she was able to talk, and she was able to voice her concerns.  I don’t know if she felt a sense of security in me because I worked at the hospital she was treated at, but our relationship blossomed.  I was her advocate and she trusted me.  She asked me things she didn’t understand and what the next steps would be.

Kenzie visiting to make her feel better

As she transitioned to rehab, I would stop by her room each morning to find out her rehab schedule.  I would pop down and be there for each of her PT sessions and saw the progression - from learning to stand, to walking a few steps, to walking and running on a treadmill.  I was there with her each step of the way and each day, our relationship grew stronger.

I don’t know what we wasted all of these years fighting, because we’re more alike than we’ve ever realized.  Since the stroke and AVM, our relationship has continued to grow.  She is truly an inspiration to me and I am so lucky to have her as my sister.

She asked me a few weeks ago to be her maid of honor.  The wedding date isn’t set and I know I still have time, but I can’t help but think about the type of toast I will give.  I know one thing…I won’t be able to get through it without tears.

I'm linking up with Kenzie over at Chasing Happy for the month of November.Be sure to stop by and check it out!

The Thankful Project: Day 2 - A Role You've Played

I'm linking up with Kenzie over at Chasing Happy for the month of November.Be sure to stop by and check it out!

As I’ve mentioned in my very first posting ever on this blog, my 25 year-old sister suffered a stroke when undergoing surgery for an AVM located on her brain.

We have a large family, as well as an abundance of extended family and friends that all wanted and needed to be kept informed of changes with Jessica and her condition.

Not long after I received the horrible news, I realized that we were going to need a way to share information.  There was no way my Mom and Dad could handle those phone calls, retelling the same story and the same information again and again.

Thank goodness for technology! Over the next month, I updated Jessica’s Caring Bridge site daily for our loved ones.  Some days they were full of information and other days, it reported the status quo.  Some days there were significant changes and others, there were set-backs.

The one thing I am thankful for during this time was the ability to play the role of Blogger/Informant.  It kept our family updated and helped to alleviate some of the “How is she doing?” calls.   Those calls still came, but not in the abundance that they would have if everyone was kept in the dark about her condition.

I’m also thankful that it provided me an outlet.  I was able to hold it together at the hospital, but the Caring Bridge site provided me an outlet to vent -to give the updates, to type, to let it go, to get it off of my chest.

I’m thankful that it provided us with a journal and history of her progress.  It’s amazing to look back and see how far she has come.  How even in the midst of the days were there wasn’t much progress, that there were still small miracles.   On her one year anniversary this past August, I had a book created for her from all of the updates and everyone’s posts and warm wishes.    Although it’s not something that she’ll read every day, she now has a printed version to remind her of how far she has come.

I’m thankful for the site because it provided not only Jessica, but our entire family, the encouragement, support, and strength we needed during such a difficult time!  The words that were written on those pages are also written on our hearts forever.

Most of all, I’m thankful that we’ve got such a positive story to tell - one that includes a recently passed drivers test and the ability for her to have her freedom again!  A story that includes a new engagement and wedding planning!  One that makes me so proud and so happy to have played a role in such an amazing story.

A Weekend to Remember

I love weekends!  They are a chance to unwind, reset, accomplish tasks, to have fun and spend time with the ones you love. Some weekends are epic and this would be one of them!
We started off the weekend by sleeping in!  Kenzie slept until 9, which was glorious.  Brian and I both had a chance to get up and run, shower and be ready for McKenzie long before she made her first peep.  We enjoyed breakfast and then spent the rest of the morning setting up McKenzie's new toddler bed!  She was so excited and insisted on being in the mix to help!  We kept telling her that this was her Big Girl Bed and she would giggle each time we said it.

By the time we finished putting it all together, it was nap time.  I honestly thought we would have a fight on our hands, but she pointed to her bed, I put her in it and kissed her forehead and off to sleep she went.  For all of the anxiety I had leading up to it, she did great!

So excited for her Big Girl Bed!

After a nap, we went to the local circus.  I was pleasantly surprised.  I guess I expected a few juggling acts and clowns and a short performance.  I was blown away! The show lasted an hour and a half and included acrobats, jugglers, clowns, dogs and camels!  It was done really well and kept McKenzie's attention the entire time!
I am emotional on a good day, but it literally brought tears to my eyes to see how excited she was and how happy this made her.  It's moments like these that make all of the tough Mom moments worthwhile.
After the show, we went grocery shopping for the week and McKenzie was an angel!  We stopped home, unpacked the groceries and then headed over to a friend's for dinner.  It was a great night for the adults and fun for the kids as well.  There are three kids total ranging from 18 months to 15 months.  Everyone had a blast!
Sunday morning was a lazy morning.  Brian and I slept in until 8 and McKenzie slept in until 10!  I couldn't even believe it!  Brian and I cleaned and organized the house before McKenzie woke up.  We went to brunch and had a great morning together.
During afternoon nap time, I had a chance to reorganize my upcoming blog posts, organize pictures and upload the new logos!  I love the new look that the logos give the site!  Now to just keep writing!
This evening, my sister, Kyle and my Mom stopped by so that we could celebrate my sister and Kyle's recent engagement!  We had dinner together and celebrated with champagne and dessert from a local bakery!    My sister is so excited!  It's nice to see her so happy.  I wish her and Kyle all the best as they choose to start their lives together.
It was quite a weekend to say the least with much to celebrate!  Great family, big milestones, fun times with friends, memorable moments and exciting news to celebrate!
Here's hoping that having such an amazing weekend sets me up for an even more focused and incredible week!

One Year Later

One year ago today.  I can’t believe it’s been a year.  It seems like just yesterday.  I was in a meeting at work.  My phone began vibrating.  My Mom was calling.  Jessica must have been finished with her surgery.  Great!   I messaged back, “In a meeting, everything ok?”.  I must have known subconsciously.  Text message, “Things didn't go as planned.  Come over as soon as you can”.  My heart sank.  I left the meeting immediately, feeling as though my legs were heavy and couldn't carry me fast enough.  I walked into the Family Meeting Room, off to the side of the main waiting room.  Remembering what everyone’s faces looked like.  There were tears.  Red faces.  Tissues and sobs.   My 23-year-old sister’s world turned upside down.  Our family tested more than I ever thought possible.   Jessica had suffered a stroke during a procedure to embolize the AVM in her brain.

So where are we a year later?  Much better than we were before!   From a critically ill young woman, lying in the hospital bed intubated with a feeding tube to a vibrant 24-year-old that just completed a 5k, Jessica’s recovery has been nothing short of amazing.    She has returned to functioning independently a majority of the time.  She has returned to work full-time.  Her social life has returned.  She is more of the Jessica that we knew, except she’s different now.  She’s stronger.  Much stronger.

Her strength was glaringly apparent during her recent 5k.  When asked if she wanted to stop along the race course, she firmly replied No…she was doing this…she wanted to do this.  There were multiple points she could have quit.  Clearly in pain and struggling to walk/jog such a distance, there were multiple times throughout the race that she could have quit.  I wanted to be the support she needed to finish, yet I didn't want her to hurt herself. It was a struggle throughout the race for her and it was a struggle for me to see her trying so hard.

We watched the slowest of people pass us.  I was determined that she was not going to be the last to finish.    As we were nearing the finish line, there was just one person behind us.  We walked faster.  She cried that she was in pain.  We pushed harder.

We crossed the finish line at exactly the one hour mark.  We weren't the last to finish the race.  Upon crossing the finish line, we hugged and sobbed together.  It is a moment that I will never forget.    People looked at us for celebrating…an almost dead last finish.  If they only knew.  Our finish time was irrelevant.  A year ago, I almost lost my sister.  The emotions of the past year came flooding out.  She will never know how proud I am of her and how honored I am to be her sister.

[caption id="attachment_347" align="aligncenter" width="225"] Casey Cares 5k[/caption]

There are still a few obstacles left to overcome.  The biggest will be to undergo the radiation required to deaden the remainder of the AVM.  After that, she is looking forward to moving out of my Mom’s house.  To driving again.  To settling down and getting her life back. She is looking forward to the things that any normal almost 25-year-old wants.      And she deserves it.

So what’s new a year later…we’re stronger than ever – as individuals and as a family.

I can tell you this…A year later, there is no greater love and bond between that of my sister and I.

Congratulations Jessica for working so hard and coming so far!  I love you!

Side-note: For those of you who don't know Jessica's story, you can click here to read all about her road to recovery and hard work!