Live in the Moment

Each night, I spend my evenings following the same routine.  It's important to a toddler.  We eat dinner and clean-up, then play with Kenzie.  Around 7, we start the bedtime routine, which includes a bath, some reading and then bed.  Before Kenzie goes to bed each night, we turn down the lights.  I hold her and rock her.  Most nights, she doesn't fall asleep.  Often we spend the time looking at each other.  It's our quiet time.  It allows us to connect, to settle down and to spend some quality time together.  I stare at her in awe of how quickly she's growing and how much bigger she seems each night.  I pray to God and thank Him for giving us a beautiful healthy baby.  I pray that he blesses us and guides us to be better parents.  Then my mind wanders and I begin to think.   I think about how lucky I am.  Lucky to have an incredibly supportive husband, a loving marriage, a great job that enables us to have a beautiful house and food on the table and and a life that I am thankful to live.    It's during these quiet times that it dawns on me. During the craziness of the day, I often forget to live in the moment.
You see, I'm a planner by nature, so I'm always planning 10 steps ahead.  What's the next phase for McKenzie, what should she be doing, what will she be doing by 18 months, when do we switch her to a toddler bed, should we put the house on the market, when we get a new house what color should I paint it, what career choices should I make, and when will our family become a family of four?  As you can see, a million things run through my mind throughout the day.  Maybe it's the nature of being a Mom, but I'm sure more of it is my Type A personality.
It's during those quiet times each night that I find myself thinking.  Thinking that I should be happy with where I am. To live in the moment. To be happy with where we are right now. To stop wishing for the next stage, for the next house, for the next job.   I cherish these quiet moments with McKenzie.  It causes me to slow down.  To sit quietly, to think and to reflect.
It's at that moment that I realize I am exactly where I should be.  In this house, with my baby in my arms, and my husband in the next room.  It doesn't matter what degrees I have or what job I hold.  It doesn't matter that we live 45 minutes away from our families or that we have an incredibly long commute to work.  What matters is that we have a life that is perfect for us.   Each night, I make a conscious decision to live in the moment, to stop thinking, to stop worrying, and to start enjoying the life we have right now and to give thanks for it all.

I Said I Would Never...Things You Would Never Do As a Mom | 52 Weeks ofBlogging With A Purpose

I laughed when I saw this topic.  There are lots of things that I swore I wouldn't do when I was a Mom, but the one thing that came to mind was this:
I said I would never…be like my Mom.  Wow, was I wrong.   I am just like her!
Growing up, especially during those difficult preteen and teenage years, I thought my mom was a tyrant.  She refused to let us have fun, she refused to buy us the things we wanted, and she embarrassed us.  Once I started driving, she made me tell her everywhere I was going, even if there were multiple stops.  I had to call when I got to each stop safely.  It was mortifying.
It’s funny the rose-colored glasses you wear as a kid.   I don’t know if it’s my age or the fact that I am now a Mom, but I see things so differently.  When my mom wouldn't allow us to have fun, it was because she was worried about our safety.  When she refused to buy us the things we demanded, it was because she was a single mom struggling to make ends meet.  We inevitably always had what we needed, but you know that when you are a teenager, what you need and want you want are two very different things.  If I’m being honest, we often got the things we wanted as well, but my mom was smart.  She made us work for them.  We had to earn them.  We earned them with good grades, good behavior, completed chores and working hard.
Unknowingly, or maybe knowingly, she taught us lessons that have stuck with me throughout my life.   I have learned the importance of working hard, of saving money, of being prepared, of having a plan, and of being organized.  Many people laugh at me.  Although I do online banking, I keep a paper check register, as well.  If I think back to my childhood, I can still picture my mom pulling out her check register, her paper bank statement, her pencil and her jewel button calculator.

Remember these?

She would sit at the dining room table and balance her checkbook, placing check marks in the register next to the items that had cleared.   Clearly, it was often the lessons that my mom didn't teach, but rather modeled, that taught us the most.  Although not always an easy road, she never lost sight of what was important.  She taught us what it meant to be compassionate, to be respectful, to cherish family and to love with all of your heart.  My mom is the epitome of perfection.
Even though I've got years before McKenzie is old enough to feel “wronged” by many of the same things that I thought were so “wrong”, knowing how I feel as a mother and knowing how much I love this little girl, I know I will be the exact same way.  You see, everything that my Mom did and everything that she wouldn't let us do all came from a place of love.   I see kids today and the things they are allowed to do, wear, say, and be and I couldn't be happier that my Mom loved me so much.  What may have seemed over-bearing at the time was her way of ensuring that she was raising children that showed compassion and respect, but that also had respect for themselves and the way they behaved.   I believe I am a better person because of this.
I often said I would never be like my Mom, but you know what?  I couldn't be happier that I am just like her.  If I am half of the mom to McKenzie that she was to my sister and I, then I will have been a phenomenal mother.