The Thankful Project: Day 11 - Something You Were Taught

I've been taught a lot throughout my life.  I've learned things from school. I've learned things from family and friends.  I've learned from my own failures and experiences.  Above all else, the most important thing I've learned was a lesson that was taught to me by my parents.  I learned this lesson through their behaviors and actions, and not the path they chose.
I had a happy childhood, but not necessarily an easy one.  My parents divorced when I was five years old.  Throughout the years, I watched them fight.  Even when they were separated and divorced, I listened to them fight.  I listened to what they said about one another.  I listened to the messages that they asked me to relay.

Then something funny happened.  As I grew older, I began to realize truths.  I learned when Mom was wrong and when Dad was wrong.  I learned to decipher the messages I was hearing with the truth that I was seeing.  I also developed my own voice.  A voice that often spoke up and said, “You can relay that. I’m not being the middle man or the messenger”.  I developed a voice that learned to answer, “I don’t know” - even if I did.  I just knew the answer would upset the other parent.

Besides developing my voice and learning the true meanings behind actions, I learned a much more important lesson.  It’s a profound message.  Here it is:

Marriage takes work.

When you start dating and get engaged, you feel still believe that life is a fairy tale and once you are married that there won’t be hard times.   Let me tell you…there are going to be changes, hard times, failures, and hiccups.  You grow together and you grow as individuals. Life happens. Love evolves. You face challenges and obstacles.  Priorities shift. Your love changes.  You change.  Your marriage suffers.   Something that you should be putting time and effort in to daily can sometimes go by the wayside.  It happens.

The good news – with a little work and refocusing, you can get it back on track.  You are reminded that you get from a marriage what you put in to it.  You reap the rewards of this.  Your marriage becomes stronger.  You remember how important this relationship is to you and you vow to stop taking one another for granted.

Chances are, life will get in the way again.  It will happen.  Guaranteed.  You remember what’s important. You shift priorities and you refocus again

It’s a constant push and pull.  A dance.  A search for balance.

The true lesson in this is that no matter how hard the push or how hard the pull, I refuse to give up on my marriage.  I refuse to walk away.  I refuse to become the statistic that says that 50% of all children from a divorced family will end up divorced themselves.

Maybe it’s because of the lesson I learned, but I fight harder.  What I've got is too good. It’s just that simple.

Marriage takes work and I refuse to give up.  Ever.

Thanks for the lesson Mom and Dad.   

I’m linking up with Kenzie over at Chasing Happy for the month of November.
Be sure to stop by and check it out!

The Thankful Project: Day 10 - A Memory

I’m linking up with Kenzie over at Chasing Happy for the month of November.
Be sure to stop by and check it out!

There are so many memories that I am thankful for.  I ultimately struggled to narrow it to one.  The one memory that is probably the most recent and ingrained in my mind for obvious reasons is the birth of McKenzie.  For those of you who know me, know that I am a planner.  Just when I thought that everything was going as planned – with a scheduled induction – McKenzie had plans of her own.

I wrote McKenzie a letter shortly after she was born.  I wanted to remember the details of her delivery.  I didn’t want to have to recall it years from now, when they memory became foggy.  I wanted her to know about it.  Not necessarily now or in the coming years, but when she is having children of her own and wants to know what my experience was like.  I wanted her to know.  Here is a part of the letter.  Here is a memory that I am thankful for.

“You decided to make your appearance on Monday, May 14, 2012 at 8:17 p.m.  Just 2 weeks prior, we thought you would be in our life.  We had a false alarm on Cinco de Mayo and were sent home, after being admitted to and spending 12 hours in the hospital.  You just wanted to tease use! 

After meeting with the doctor after our hospital visit, she decided that she would induce us on Wednesday, May 16, 2012.  We were set to go to the hospital at 6 a.m. that morning to be induced and finally meet you. I had planned on working Monday, having a date night with Dad Monday night, and then having a “me” day on Tuesday – with pedicures and shopping included.  Well, after working all day Monday, I came home.   As we were about to leave to head to our favorite restaurant in Delaware for our dinner date, I started having contractions.  They were strong and uncomfortable and kept getting stronger. As we were driving, I asked Dad if we could skip dinner and head home, because I was feeling that bad.  He asked what I wanted for dinner and I said that I would just eat crackers at home and that he should get something to eat.  After ordering a sub and waiting for 10 minutes to get the sub, my contractions were even stronger.  Dad asked if I wanted to go to the hospital and I responded – yes!!!!  You were set to be delivered at Greater Baltimore Medical Center (GBMC) in Baltimore, MD, which is located about 45 minutes away from where we live.  At this point, it was the peak of rush hour and it was raining, so Dad advised that it was going to take us a little longer to get there.  I told him that we should go to the local hospital, because I was feeling that bad! 

We headed to our local hospital.  Dad dropped Mom off at the front door of the Emergency Room while he parked the car.  I checked in and they took me right to the Labor and Delivery Triage area.  As I was changing into a hospital gown in the rest room, I heard the nurse ask your Dad if this was our first.  He said yes and she informed him that we would have had plenty of time to make it to Baltimore, because first time deliveries typically take a long time!  Boy was she wrong! 

After I changed into a gown, the nurse checked my progress and I was 8 cm already!  I was almost ready to start pushing and to meet you!  I was in so much pain and wanted an epidural badly, but because I was so far along already, I was unable to have any medication of any kind!  It wasn’t what I planned (and as you know by now – I’m a planner!) and it made me very anxious.  The pain was getting so bad!
Since I was so far along, they rushed Dad and I from triage to a Labor and Delivery Room.  By the time we got to the room, it was about 7:00 p.m.  The nurses got Mom settled and put an IV in me.  Then the doctor (who Mom had never even met before!) came in to introduce himself to me.  He did an exam and I was almost 10 cm!  My water still had not broken, so he broke it for me.  It was painless, but let me tell you – as soon as that happened, I felt the need to push.  This was about 7:30 p.m. and the nurses advised that they wanted me to wait a little longer before pushing.  They said they would check in on me at 7:45 to see if it was time.  This was the longest 15 minutes of my life!  I had no medication to take the edge off!  I was loud and Dad said I screamed – but I’m okay with that! 

The nurses arrived back in the room at 7:45 to check me and told me that I was ready to push.  I pushed from 7:45 to 8:17 p.m. when you made your appearance in the world.  It was not as bad as I had expected – especially since the end product was you! 
As soon as you were born, they placed you on my chest and Dad and I took you in!  You were so perfect and everything that Dad and I had hoped for!  You weighed in at 6 lbs. 9 oz. and 19.5 inches long!  Both Dad and I were 8 lbs. 9 oz., so we assumed we would have a bigger baby!  Instead, we had this perfect little peanut, whom amazed us from the second she was born!"

This is the memory I am thankful for.  This was my first lesson in motherhood - that no matter how prepared you are you never know what to expect; that as a Mom, you have to roll with the punches and adapt quickly.  I am thankful for this lesson and the little person that we brought in to this world!

The Thankful Project: Day 9 - A Photo

I love photography. I was gifted my new Canon Eos Rebel t3i for my birthday this past March and have been working hard to capture the memories that I want to remember forever.

Photography is such a powerful thing. It captures a moment in a time, but also takes you back to a particular time. You can easily recall the moment - the sights, the sounds, the smells, the feelings.

Today I'm thankful for two pictures, both taken on the same day. The two pictures below were taken when I graduated from college.  I remember it like it was yesterday.  The chilly, crisp, overcast December day. The overwhelming number of people. Trying to find your loved ones in the crowd. The feeling of finally finding them. The pictures and sense of pride that everyone had that day. The love of a family and those that care about me the most. The naive thoughts that each of my loves ones would be here with me forever. Never thinking that within such a short amount of time, I would be living a life with two less loved ones.

These pictures hold a special place in my heart.  They were the last pictures I have with my step-father, Harry and my grandmother. My grandmother passed away somewhat unexpectedly at the end of February. Harry passed away the day after my birthday in early March. They both died within a week of one another. Two months from the date that these pictures were taken, these important people in my life were gone.
Although, they may be gone, their memory lives on. I carry the memories and the lessons I learned from them with me always. They will always be a special part of my life.

Today, I'm thankful for the pictures that evoke the memories of those who I miss dearly. Today, I'm thankful that they were a part of my life. Today, I'm thankful for what a picture can do.

What photo are you thankful for?

I’m linking up with Kenzie over at Chasing Happy for the month of November.Be sure to stop by and check it out!

The Thankful Project: Day 8 - Words

In the fast-paced, technology driven, hustle and bustle of our lives, it’s rare to receive a handwritten letter in the mail.  When you get the occasional thank you note for a birthday present or for something you've done, you almost always rush to open it, because the anticipation of what is said in that little card is almost too much to bear.

Technology has changed our society.  It now thrives on the immediacy of text message and emails.  It’s almost as if the art of actually handwriting a letter has gone away.   Of course, Brian messages me throughout the day with sweet messages that I love, but there’s just something different about a handwritten message.
I stopped in my tracks a few weeks ago when I was cleaning out a book-case and came across an accordion file folder, filled with hand written love letters from Brian.

The dates on the cards and letters ranged from a few weeks after we started dating to my time spent away at college.   I took the time to re-read each letter.  It was like I was unlocking a time capsule of memories.  Those letters reminded me of events that occurred, memories that were made, and the new love that we had for each other.  It gave me butterflies all over again.  It reminded me of why he’s perfect for me and of all the reasons that I love him.  It confirmed that although those letters are almost 11 years old, I still feel the same.  He still makes my heart skip a beat, I still love the time I spend with him, I still adore him and yes…I still want to spend the rest of my life with him.

Isn't it amazing how strongly words can impact us?  Although handwritten letters may be a thing of the past, let this thankful be a reminder of two things: The power of our words – whether written on spoken and the power of a handwritten letter - sent to someone who may not even be expecting it.

Consider writing someone a handwritten note for no reason at all!  Imagine what it would do for their day!

I’m linking up with Kenzie over at Chasing Happy for the month of November.Be sure to stop by and check it out!

The Thankful Project: Day 7 - A Job

Today, I’m thankful for the job of a soldier.  They sacrifice more than we know to protect our country and give up so much.   They leave their families, miss their babies being born or growing up, and put their life on the line.  While all of this is hard on a soldier, the toll that it takes on their family is equally as tough.
We are friends with P.  He is in the Army and currently fighting for our country overseas.  He has been gone since the summer and won’t be returning until later next year.  His wife and his soon to be 2 year-old daughter are left here stateside.  They face the struggles of living without P daily.

K, P’s wife, is a superwoman in my book. She never complains about the situation and handles it all with the greatest of ease.  She is raising an intelligent and beautiful little girl, who I know P can’t wait to get home to see.

I can't imagine going through the upcoming holidays - for both the solider and the family.  That's why this holiday season, I'm asking for everyone's help.  While you are filling out your Christmas cards, please consider sending one or two...or more, to a service member.   Letting them know we care and are thankful for the sacrifice they make each and every day, but especially during the holiday season.
You can do so by sending them to the address below:

Each year we collect cards between October and early December and then distribute
them at military installations, veterans hospitals, and in other locations.

Card Guidelines:Every card received will be screened for hazardous materials and then reviewed by Red Cross volunteers working around the country.

Please observe the following guidelines to ensure a quick reviewing process:

• Ensure that all cards are signed.
• Use generic salutations such as “Dear Service Member.” Cards addressed to specific individuals can not be delivered through this program.
• Only cards are being accepted. Do not send or include letters.
• Do not include email or home addresses on the cards: the program is not meant to foster pen pal relationships.
• Do not include inserts of any kind, including photos: these items will be removed during the reviewing process.
• Please refrain from choosing cards with glitter or using loose glitter as it can aggravate health issues of ill and injured warriors.
• If you are mailing a large quantity of cards, please bundle them and place them in large mailing envelopes or flat rate postal shipping boxes. Each card does not need its own envelope, as envelopes will be removed from all cards before distribution.

The deadline for having cards to the P.O. Box is December 6th.
Holiday cards received after this date cannot be guaranteed delivery.

Thank you in advance for making someone else's day!

I’m linking up with Kenzie over at Chasing Happy for the month of November.Be sure to stop by and check it out!

The Thankful Project: Day 6 - A Failure

See those girls above?  Those girls….they are my failure.

They are my best friends from college.  They were the girls I did everything with.  The girls I could always count on – through the countless nights out at a bar and for the crazy moments that life can throw at you.
I’m not necessarily thankful for this failure, but I do believe you learn from each mistake you make.
So how are these girls my failure?

I've failed them and our friendship.  I've failed by not keeping in touch, by letting life get in the way, by going way too long between phone calls, and visits and by not making more effort.

None of these girls and I ever had a falling out.  We never had a fight or a moment that ended it all.  We just grew apart.  We moved to different towns and states. Some married, while others have not.   Life.  It got in the way.  The trips to visit each other became increasingly harder.  The phone calls to keep in touch dwindled.  A constant game of phone tag.

Yes, we still know the goings-on’s of each other’s lives thanks to Facebook and I still love all of them dearly, but it’s just not the same.

I guess that’s life.  People are in your life for only a finite amount of time.  Then life shifts and you move and those people - they still remain, but as memories.
I just can’t help feeling guilty.  As if I’ve failed them.  As if I somehow should have done more, tried harder, talked more, called more.

There’s not a day that goes by that I don’t think of them. I’m a bad friend and I know I could have done more.

So why am I thankful for this failure?  It's forced me to realize that I need to stop making excuses.  To reconnect.  That it’s never too late.  Over the next few weeks, I am going to call each of them.  To chat about life, to catch up, to make the attempt.

And you know what’s crazy?  It will be as though we hadn't missed a beat.  We’ll pick up right where we left off and laugh until we cry.

Isn't that a failure worth being thankful for?

I'm linking up with Kenzie over at Chasing Happy for the month of November.Be sure to stop by and check it out!

The Thankful Project: Day 5 - A Talent You Have

I am good at a lot of things, but nothing more so than the other.  I don’t have any quirky talents.  I am not a record holder of any title.  The thing I am good at comes naturally to me.  Others marvel at how I do it.
I’m thankful that, even in the worst circumstances, I am able to hold it all together.  I take a step back and look at what needs to be done.  If I don’t know how to do it, I look it up, I Google it, I figure it out.
That is my talent.  I hold it all together.  I know it doesn't seem like much, but it has helped me immensely in more than one circumstance.

When my sister was in the hospital, I became everyone’s rock.  I asked the questions that no one else thought to ask, I came up with lists of what needed to be done, I obtained access to my sister’s accounts and made sure that her bills were paid, and I worked hard to keep it all together – for everyone’s sake.
Although I’m great at keeping it together, it doesn't mean that it doesn't affect me.  If you ask Brian how many countless nights I cried on the way home, cried in his lap, cried going to bed….just cried in general, he would answer EVERY. SINGLE. NIGHT.  You know what?  I woke up the next morning and trudged through the challenges that the next day would bring.  I did what needed to be done each day and knew that I had the evenings to let it all go.

I know it’s not that great of a talent.  I can’t touch my nose with my tongue or wiggle my ears, but what I can do is to keep it together - to be the voice of reason, to be the calm in the storm.
I’m not sure how useful of a talent it is, but it works for me!    What is a talent that you have that you’re thankful for?

I'm linking up with Kenzie over at Chasing Happy for the month of November.Be sure to stop by and check it out!