The Thankful Project: Day 12 - An Opportunity

I’m linking up with Kenzie over at Chasing Happy for the month of November.
Be sure to stop by and check it out!

I've been given so many opportunities in my life. Opportunities that I succeeded at, excelled at and made those who gave me the opportunity proud.  I've had opportunities that I've missed, failed, or given up on.  Through all of life's successes and failures, the opportunity that I'm most thankful for is the one to be a Mom.
I'm going to pause and be real here for a moment. For years prior to wanting children, I would often find myself praying that I wasn't pregnant. The timing wasn't right, our life wasn't where I wanted it to be and we just weren't ready. Then something changes. You decide you are ready to start a family and then you find yourself praying that you are able to conceive. You worry that you won't be able to. You drive yourself crazy!

And then it happens! God blesses you with the gift a child. You find out you are pregnant and life instantly changes. From the first nauseous feeling to the kicks, heartburn, sleepless nights and being downright uncomfortable, you are a Mom.

Then the most perfect little girl is born. Your world changes for the better. You experience a love like you've never experienced before.

I am thankful beyond words for the opportunity to be a Mom. To lead my daughter by teaching her - through words and actions. To watch her grow. To support her through life. To be tough when necessary, yet always her friend.

I know that our relationship will evolve over the years. There will come a time where we are not friends at all. Yet I know, there will come a day that she will need me. When she becomes a Mom herself and realizes that every single action was done from a place of love and worry.

I also know that one day I will grow old and need her.  Life will come full circle.

I pray every day that I am succeeding as a Mom.  That I teach her what she needs to know, that I spend enough time with her, that I focus on her, that I don't lose my temper and that I have more patience.
It's easy for us Mom's to lose sight of how much we do right in our day.  It's easy for us to focus on what we've done wrong.  I'm sure many of you have seen this already, but for those who haven't...watch it.  It's a good reminder that even when we are judging our successes and failures as Mom's, that in our children's eyes...we're doing alright!

A New Perspective For Moms from Elevation Church on Vimeo.

I thank God every day for the opportunity to be this little girl's Mom.  There truly aren't even words to describe it.

What Being A Mom Looks Like | 52 Weeks of Blogging With A Purpose

I originally thought that this post would be an easy one to write!  I had a ton of ideas running through my mind, yet every time I have tried to write this post, I couldn't seem to get the words right.  How do you put into words what being a Mom look like?   It's the hardest, yet most rewarding things I've ever done.  It is constantly evolving and I am always trying to better myself as a person and as a mother.
Being a Mom can sometimes look...
Stressed: Being a Mom comes with tremendous responsibility and worry.  You constantly think through your every move when it comes to your child and when you think you've made a decision, you second guess yourself again.   It's a vicious cycle.  If you're not worried about whether they weigh enough, are tall enough or if they are meeting milestones, you are worried about how many times they've pooped for the day (is it too often or not often enough?), if they're eating healthy enough, or if you are being the best parent that you can be.  It's a constant worry...so yes, sometimes I looked stressed.
Messy:  Sometimes as a Mom I look messy.  Some days, it's because there aren't enough hours in the day to get everything done.  Some days, a pony tail and little to no make up become my wardrobe.  Even on the days that I put effort in to getting ready and looking nice, it never takes long to get messy.  From a random sneeze, to messy hands, to the face wiped on my shirt - even on my best days, I still feel messy!    Let's not even talk about how messy the house can seem now that someone scatters toys from one end of the house to the other.
Frustrated: Whether it's because of the screaming that ensues from our 40 minute ride home (I repeat - 40 minutes of screaming!) or because plans always seem to change, sometimes being a Mom means looking frustrated. Although I willingly put my family first and their needs ahead of mine, it doesn't mean that it's not frustrating at times.  There are jobs that I would love to have, but refuse to take because of the hours or the time I would spend away from my family.  There are appointments that are missed because my little one needs me more.   The dream job, the night's out or the hair color and cut will have to wait until another day...but that doesn't mean I don't feel frustrated.
But even with all of the dressed down, second guessing, frustrating days, more often than not, I look...
In Love: This may be the one constant out of all of them.  Being a Mom means being so in love!  Just when I thought that our little family was perfect with just Brian and I, I can't imagine my life without McKenzie in it.  It now feels complete and whole.  I often look at her and stare in awe of the little person that Brian and I have created.  I could hold her and kiss her cheeks for hours.  My heart could literally explode with the love that I feel for her.
Proud:  Being a Mom means being proud...always...for the tiniest of things.  Of course we are proud when she does something new or accomplishes something great, but we're always proud.  From learning how toys work, to new words, to climbing the stairs, I'm proud.  It's the little things though as well.  I'm proud of her when she understands the way life works - like when I take away her new Magna Doodle to clear the screen for her and she understands that I'm not taking it away for good, but rather to assist her.  It's not a huge step, but I'm proud nonetheless.  It's a moment that tells me that she's growing, and maturing, and understanding the world around her a little better each day.
Exhilarated: Watching McKenzie grow and become her own little person is exhilarating.  It makes all of the challenging moments seem worthwhile.  It's an instant boost to your Mom morale...like you're actually doing something right.  Being a Mom makes the world seem a little better.  Seeing the world through McKenzie's eyes gives me a deeper sense of purpose and place in this crazy world we live in!
Grateful: By far, I consider McKenzie to be my greatest accomplishment to date.  I am thankful to have been given a beautiful healthy daughter and that God has blessed me with the responsibility of being her Mom.   Regardless of what being a Mom looks like, I am always thankful and happy that I can call myself, McKenzie's Mom.   Even on the toughest of days, I wouldn't change it for the world!
Happy:  The happiness I feel is intense.  I smile more and laugh more as a Mom.  With McKenzie, I am in my element.  I swear McKenzie and I have a secret bond.  I can just look at her and she laughs.  Then I laugh and the harder I laugh, the harder she laughs.  It's the most adorable thing in the world.  Some days, I can make a silly sound and she'll go crazy.  If Brian makes the same sound, she just stares at him.  It's just not as funny.  It breaks his heart that she makes him work so hard for things, but it's also kind of cute.  Cute that her and I have this secret thing...that we can laugh for no reason at all...and that...makes me so happy!
Being a Mom ultimately means being all of the above and then some!  I may be one or all of these at once. It's a toss-up, but that's what makes motherhood such an adventure and a challenge.  I am looking forward to everything else motherhood has in store for me.

I Said I Would Never...Things You Would Never Do As a Mom | 52 Weeks ofBlogging With A Purpose

I laughed when I saw this topic.  There are lots of things that I swore I wouldn't do when I was a Mom, but the one thing that came to mind was this:
I said I would never…be like my Mom.  Wow, was I wrong.   I am just like her!
Growing up, especially during those difficult preteen and teenage years, I thought my mom was a tyrant.  She refused to let us have fun, she refused to buy us the things we wanted, and she embarrassed us.  Once I started driving, she made me tell her everywhere I was going, even if there were multiple stops.  I had to call when I got to each stop safely.  It was mortifying.
It’s funny the rose-colored glasses you wear as a kid.   I don’t know if it’s my age or the fact that I am now a Mom, but I see things so differently.  When my mom wouldn't allow us to have fun, it was because she was worried about our safety.  When she refused to buy us the things we demanded, it was because she was a single mom struggling to make ends meet.  We inevitably always had what we needed, but you know that when you are a teenager, what you need and want you want are two very different things.  If I’m being honest, we often got the things we wanted as well, but my mom was smart.  She made us work for them.  We had to earn them.  We earned them with good grades, good behavior, completed chores and working hard.
Unknowingly, or maybe knowingly, she taught us lessons that have stuck with me throughout my life.   I have learned the importance of working hard, of saving money, of being prepared, of having a plan, and of being organized.  Many people laugh at me.  Although I do online banking, I keep a paper check register, as well.  If I think back to my childhood, I can still picture my mom pulling out her check register, her paper bank statement, her pencil and her jewel button calculator.

Remember these?

She would sit at the dining room table and balance her checkbook, placing check marks in the register next to the items that had cleared.   Clearly, it was often the lessons that my mom didn't teach, but rather modeled, that taught us the most.  Although not always an easy road, she never lost sight of what was important.  She taught us what it meant to be compassionate, to be respectful, to cherish family and to love with all of your heart.  My mom is the epitome of perfection.
Even though I've got years before McKenzie is old enough to feel “wronged” by many of the same things that I thought were so “wrong”, knowing how I feel as a mother and knowing how much I love this little girl, I know I will be the exact same way.  You see, everything that my Mom did and everything that she wouldn't let us do all came from a place of love.   I see kids today and the things they are allowed to do, wear, say, and be and I couldn't be happier that my Mom loved me so much.  What may have seemed over-bearing at the time was her way of ensuring that she was raising children that showed compassion and respect, but that also had respect for themselves and the way they behaved.   I believe I am a better person because of this.
I often said I would never be like my Mom, but you know what?  I couldn't be happier that I am just like her.  If I am half of the mom to McKenzie that she was to my sister and I, then I will have been a phenomenal mother.