The Thankful Project: Day 28 - Topic of My Choice

Happy Thanksgiving Everyone!

For those of you that stuck with me throughout these past 28 days, thank you!  I know some of the posts were more serious than others, but I hope that you enjoyed taking the journey with me.   I’m thankful that I stuck with it.  Some of the prompts encouraged me to write outside of my comfort zone and for that I’m thankful.  This series has allowed me to express myself and make new friends along the way.   For that I’m grateful!
You’ve heard what I’m thankful for during the past 28 days, yet there’s even more I’m thankful for.  Today, among all of the other blessings in my life, I’m thankful for this space. Something that I started a few months ago as a place for me to jot down my, has grown in to so much more.  I’ve developed friendships with incredible other women – women that come from all walks of life, from place throughout the world.  The sense of community has been incredible.  We’re all on our own journeys, but it’s nice to know that we’re all in it together.  Some days, the little comments of encouragement, support and gratitude are what get me through the day!  Thank you all from the bottom of my heart.
In light of Thanksgiving and spending time with my family for the next few days, I’ll be missing from this spot.  I’ll be back in December with more holiday themed goodness, but for now, enjoy this day with loved ones and know that I’m thankful for you! 

I’m linking up with Kenzie over at Chasing Happy for the month of November.Be sure to stop by and check it out!

The Thankful Project: Day 27 - A Simple Pleasure

This one was easy.  It's the thing that can make everything better and cause me to giggle from my toes with her.  We often find ourselves in laughing fits, where neither of us can stop!  The simple pleasure I'm thankful for...Kenzie's Laugh!

Simple Pleasure: Kenzie's Laugh from Heartbeats and Little Feet on Vimeo.

I’m linking up with Kenzie over at Chasing Happy for the month of November.Be sure to stop by and check it out!

The Thankful Project: Day 26 - A Criticism You've Received

So you know when I miss a blog post, when I've signed up for the challenge of writing for 28 days straight during the month of November?
Or when I did’t get that job I applied for?
Or when I miss a day of P90X or Jillian Michael’s Body Revolution?
Yep.  All of that.  It bothers me.  I am a perfectionist at heart.  Even border-line OCD.
I pretend like it’s okay to miss the blog post and that I’ll catch up later.  The truth?  It bothers me all day that I didn't get a chance to post, when clearly I knew what the prompt was for Day 24.
That job? I pretend like it wasn't the right fit.  The truth?  I self-examine and over analyze every single thing I do to figure out why I didn't get it and what more I could do.
The workout’s? They’re over until next Monday, because no workout can ever begin mid-week and you must start again at Day 1, since you missed a workout somewhere in the series.
I say all of this to show that being a perfectionist is a double-edged sword.  I work hard and put all of myself into everything I do, but I’m thankful for the criticism I received that says I’m too hard on myself.
I don’t know if it’ll ever change me, but it can remind me to put things into perspective.  That it’s okay not to have blog posts scheduled and set-up if I wasn't motivated or inspired to write.  That although I may not have been the right person for the job I applied for, I’m not a failure.   That workouts can start mid-week and that you don’t need to start over.

That it’s great to put so much of yourself in to all you do, but that you've got to take care of yourself as well.
I’m thankful I’m a perfectionist, and even more thankful for those who put it into perspective.

I’m linking up with Kenzie over at Chasing Happy for the month of November.Be sure to stop by and check it out!

The Thankful Project: Day 25 - Something You Know

After cutting down our Christmas tree and decorating with a toddler this weekend, I learned a lot.  Who would have thought the lesson would have been taught by a toddler?
Let me back up.  This weekend, we spent Saturday cutting down our Christmas tree.  It’s a tradition that Brian and I have done every year.   Last year, Kenzie was just 6 months old and I carried her in the baby carrier.  Let me tell you, much easier!

Tree Farm 2012

This year, we have a 18 month old who has more determination and will to do things her way than most adults I know.  Honestly!  We arrived at the tree farm and had a slight melt-down early on because we were making her wear a hat.  Once we were over that, things were smooth sailing…until they told us the tractor that takes you to where the trees are, wasn't up and running.
“OK", we thought, "we’ll walk it.  It can’t be that hard.”  Again, naive parent’s here.  McKenzie wanted to walk the gravel road herself.   She wanted to walk it at her pace and if you attempted to pick her up, then she would lose her mind.

See the tree on the upper left side of the screen?  The one at the top?  That's where we walked to!

The whole tree experience, that should have taken 30 minutes from start to finish, ended up taking 2 hours.  When we finally reach where the trees were, she had a melt-down because she didn't want to walk in the grass.  She wanted to stay on the gravel road.

Melt-Down

We finally found the perfect tree and cut it down.  We figured she’d be tired and would want to be carried on the walk back.  Again…we were wrong.  She walked the entire gravel path back.

Our tree 2013

I wish I had a way to track how far this little girl walked.  It was easily 3 miles.  She never gave up.  She never quit.  She just kept walking, as fast as her little legs could carry her.

So you know what I know?  Toddlers…they can teach you a lot.  Like how to slow down, to enjoy the moment, to take your time and to really appreciate the things that you are doing, because if we hadn't, we would have missed the opportunity to capture such gorgeous pictures - the lake, the green trees and the sky.

Tree Farm 2013

I’m really thankful.

I’m linking up with Kenzie over at Chasing Happy for the month of November.Be sure to stop by and check it out!

The Thankful Project: Day 24 - A Physical Trait You Have

So I skipped posting yesterday!  This weekend was busy filled with holiday decorating and crafting, so I didn’t get a chance to post!  I hope you all enjoyed your weekends the same!
This topic was hard for me.  I’m always one to compliment others, but what physical trait about myself am I thankful for?
After thinking long and hard, I would have to say my eyes.  It’s the one thing that people compliment me on and have commented on since I was young.   They are blue, but not bright blue.  Many people comment on how marbled or grey they look.

I’m thankful not only for the color, but for what they allow me to see.  For being able to see our family grow, for the ability to watch McKenzie take in the world around her.  I’m thankful for the ability to see these times through a toddler’s eyes – to embrace the little things that make her ohhh and ahhh and yell Tinsel as she looks around the house for our Elf.  Christmas has always been my favorite time of the year, but seeing it through McKenzie’s eyes takes it to a whole new level.

What are you thankful for that you see? 

I’m linking up with Kenzie over at Chasing Happy for the month of November.Be sure to stop by and check it out!

The Thankful Project: Day 23 - Something You've Seen

I've seen our family grow.  We've grown through marriages.  We've grown through the birth of little babies.  We've also grown through adoption.

Today, on National Adoption Day, I’m thankful for my brother.

My Dad and Step-Mom chose to adopt back in 2005.  After waiting almost a year to meet him and bring him home, he finally joined our family.

I’ll never forget the day.  We all gathered at their house to anxiously await their arrival from the airport.  We had decorated the front of the house and had food waiting.  In they walked with the most adorable little 11 month old you could have ever seen.

He was overwhelmed, yet happy.  His whole world was completely different.  His life had been turned upside down.  For 11 months, he had spent time with a foster-mother who loved him dearly. For 11 months, he had only heard the Spanish language.  For 11 months, Guatemala, or Guate-LAMA (as he used to call it) was his home.

Now he was in his new home.  With a Mom and Dad, more toys than he knew what to do with, a two sister’s.  He instantly captured our hearts and became part of our family.

Although there is a 20 year age difference between us and we're at very different points in our lives, I'm thankful beyond words for this charming little guy!

I’m linking up with Kenzie over at Chasing Happy for the month of November.

Be sure to stop by and check it out!

The Thankful Project: Day 22 - An Expectation

It was a cold winter morning in January.  I woke up early to start my day and get ready for work.  The morning routine consisted of waking up, turning off the alarm, laying in bed, checking Facebook for a few minutes and then getting up to start getting ready for the day.
As I was scrolling through the newest status updates, I saw multiple friends with the status of “RIP Tim.  You will be missed”.  Initially, I kept scrolling, not making the connection of the friendships.  Then I reached a status.  At this point, it’s such a blur, I can’t even remember who posted it.  The message read that Tim, one of my best friends from college, had been murdered in St. Thomas as he was leaving work.   My world froze.
I vividly remember standing in the shower, thinking that I couldn't have read it correctly.  Thinking that it was all a mistake.  I remember feeling numb and lost.  I drove to work in a daze.  It was still too early to message anyone about it, although I’m sure they were all awake.    I remember parking my car and calling Tim’s cell phone.  I prayed that he would answer.  I got his voice mail and sobbed as I heard his voice again.
You see, Tim and I became friends in college, during a difficult time in my life.  I was away from my family and Brian and my step-father was battling prostate cancer.  His prognosis was worsening.  We knew he didn't have long left to live.  I was about to graduate in December, so needed to be at school.  I was so close to finishing, yet I didn't want to be there.  Each weekend, I would drive home 2.5 hours to be with my family and Brian.  Every Sunday night, I would get in my car and drive 2.5 hours back to school.  Those were the loneliest of car rides.  Lonely and heart breaking because I was leaving Brian and my family, during a time that they needed me most.  It was the worst feeling.
Tim always knew how to cheer me up, make me laugh, be my sounding board, or just listen to me when I was frustrated with life.  He knew when I needed my space and he knew when I needed to be forced to leave my apartment.  He was a silly guy, and one that was loved by so many.  He had a heart of gold and would have done anything for any of his friends.  He was one of the best!

I graduated from college and moved home.  Tim graduated and stayed in our college town and worked at the local high school for a few years.  We would catch up here and there, but as I've mentioned before, life gets in the way.  We’d play phone tag, go a few months without talking, and then finally catch up.  A few months before Tim died, he had been given the opportunity to move to St. Thomas to manage a bar for a friend.   It was an opportunity of a lifetime and I was so excited for him…yet jealous beyond words!
Just a few weeks before he was murdered, he called me one morning.  I was just walking in to work and only had a few minutes to chat.  He sounded great and said that things were going well.  As always, he asked when we were going to come visit him there.  I promised him that we would visit and then let him go.   I told him that I would call him back that evening.  I told him that it was so good to hear from him and that we would catch up!  I never called him back.
I am so thankful that I had just talked to him before he was taken from this world.  It’s odd how things work out like that.  It had been 6 or 7 months from the last time we talked.  I still hate that I never called him back and that I won’t have the opportunity to do so.  I am so thankful though that we had a chance to catch up and I was able to hear how happy he was.
Although Tim’s story is tragic, I’m thankful for this…there’s an expectation that there’s always tomorrow.  Tim’s story reminds me that tomorrow isn't promised.  It reminds me to live each day to the fullest, to be aware of my actions and words, and to live each day as though it’s my last.
I miss Tim dearly and think about him often, but I’m thankful for the memories I have of him and the constant reminder…to live your life to the fullest, because the expectation is false... tomorrow’s not promised. 

I’m linking up with Kenzie over at Chasing Happy for the month of November.Be sure to stop by and check it out!

The Thankful Project: Day 21 - Something That's Easy to Take for Granted

Each morning, we get up, shower, get dressed and prepare to start our day.  We often take for granted that we are able to get out of bed on our own, able to shower and dress on our own, and able to care for ourselves.
Working in a hospital has given me a new perspective on the things that we take for granted day in and day out.  Today, I’m thankful for health.  It’s so easy to take for granted.  It’s so easy to assume that we’ll always be healthy.
I’ve seen my share of sad stories – more frequently than I’d like.  I recently met a man who was diagnosed with brain cancer.  The man I saw in the hospital bed, was not the man he once was.  He was confused and combative.  He required assistance for just about everything – eating, toileting, bathing, and walking.
His wife and his family were by his side the entire time. They shared stories with the staff about the man that he was.  They shared stories to remember him.  They shared stories to remind us that the man we were seeing and caring for now, was not the man they knew.
The wife told stories and showed the staff pictures, with the most recent picture taken in August.  It was a picture of the two of them – at a gala.  Both were dressed exceptionally well and looked full of life and love.  She told us that this picture was taken 2 weeks before he was diagnosed with brain cancer.
I thought about that man and his family a lot after that.  It’s incredible to think that in 3 short months, this family’s life has been turned upside down. In 3 short months, this man deteriorated so quickly.  In 3 short months, a wife lost her husband and the sons, their father.
My heart broke for them.
There are hundreds, even thousands of stories like this one.  Although heart-breaking, it serves as a reminder to take care of ourselves, because our health is so important.  It’s one of those things that you don’t realize how important it is, until you are sick.

It’s one of my biggest fears, especially now.  I worry about our family.  I pray each day that we continue to be blessed with health.   I can’t even imagine what these families go through, especially when it happens so suddenly. I can’t imagine what I would do.  What if that was my husband?  I would want to be by his side every moment of the day, but I also know that I would need to work to continue to provide for my family.  I would feel torn, overwhelmed and frustrated.
It’s a good reminder that when these families are demanding, frustrated and sometimes outright mean, that they aren’t the same people either.  They are dealing with extraordinary stress, facing the fear of the unknown, and are worried about their loved one.
The toll that illness and disease takes on a patient and their support system is immense.   We may take it for granted each day, but health is so important.
Today, I’m thankful for the health of my family and friends and pray that we continue to be blessed with health and happiness.

I’m linking up with Kenzie over at Chasing Happy for the month of November.

Be sure to stop by and check it out!

The Thankful Project: Day 20 - Something About Your Significant Other

I giggled when I read this topic. The thing that I’m most thankful for about my significant other is that he’s good at everything!  No exaggeration!
There’s not a thing that he can’t do!

Oh…you’ve never installed one of these?
...You figured it out!
Oh, you’ve never tiled before?
...The bathroom looks great!
Oh…you haven’t run in ages?
...You ran 5 miles today!
Oh…you’ve never played this before?
...You’re in the finals of the tournament!

Honestly!  The competitive side of me hates it because he’s always so good at whatever he tries.  The other side of me is so thankful!  I hear the complaints of fellow women about their significant others and I know that I am so lucky.
I also know that if we want a happy marriage, we can never play board games, card games, corn hole, beer pong or anything that involves us to compete…even if we’re on the same team!  It gets heated rather quickly!

Love you!

A heated debate during Minute to Win It Game Night.  Se the smug look on his face? 

I’m linking up with Kenzie over at Chasing Happy for the month of November.Be sure to stop by and check it out!

McKenzie | 18 Months |

Again, a little late, but better late than never!
So little McKenzie...You're a 1 and a half!  How in the world did that happen?!  Weren't we just planning your first birthday party?!  This past month has been so much fun with you!
What's Happening:
The Start of Potty Training
You've shown interest and I'm cautiously optimistic! I know it is probably still a little way off, but you've told Jen at daycare and us when you need to go!

PreschoolI can't even believe that I just typed that.  How did we get here!?  I've been researching local preschools for the past month or two.  First, most are way more expensive than I realized that they would be.  Second, most are charging a lot of money for only 2 hours, 2 days a week.  I was shocked!  After researching a little more, we found a local preschool that we love!  I can't even wait for you to start there in September!  You are going to learn so much and have so much fun!
VocabularyI'm not even sure how many words you know now.  You talk all day long!  What I love about your learning words is that you are finally able to communicate with us!  A few nights ago, you were so exhausted.  We gave you your bath and I sat down with you, just as I do each night, to hold you for a few minutes before you climb in to bed.  You lost your mind.   I wasn't even sure why!  I assumed it was because you were overly tired.  As I listened closer,  I finally caught on to what you were saying as you were crying! Book! You were upset that we didn't read!  My little creature of habit! I let you pick out a book, we read it, you curled right up in my arms and went to sleep without a fight.  I love that you can tell us things now!
Your newest phrase that you say each night as we end a story, is "The End!"  You are listening and learning and I love it!
Leading up to Halloween, we taught you Boo, since you were going to be a ghost.  Anytime we asked you what a ghost said, you would yell, "Boo!"
We've moved on and skipped over Thanksgiving, since "Gobble Gobble" is a little harder to say.  We've started working on Christmas.  If we ask you what Santa says, you reply, "Ho ho!" and if we ask whose birthday it is on Christmas you say, "Baby Cheezus".  It makes me giggle every time.  There is some slight confusion though because any time you want a Cheez It cracker, you will say Cheezus.  We've got some clarification to do!
Favorite ThingSinging the ABC's.  It's your favorite song.  As we sing it, you join in with a random E, G, I, or Z.  You bob your head as we say each letter.  After we're done singing, you will sing it on your own.  You have the rhythm of the song down, but mumble through most of the letters until you hit your favorites - E, G, I and Z.
EatingYou eat a lot, but are still kind of picky.  You hate any form of meat.  Veggies and fruits...you've got it.  Put a chicken, ham, turkey, or meat loaf in front of you and you remove them from your plate.  It's so bizarre.  We've been working on finding new forms of protein that you will actually eat, but haven't been too successful.

You have also become finicky with how your food is presented.  Some days you want things cut, so we cut them up.  Then the next meal, you refuse to eat because you wanted it whole.  Then the next meal you want things cut up.  We can't keep up!
Sleep Habits
Your sleep habits have been less than stellar ever since daylight savings time.  I think we also had a touch of sleep regression going on at the same time, which means we haven't been getting the greatest sleep!  For about 2 weeks, you would wake up at 2 in the morning, open your door and stand at the gate.  You would call for me and I would come get you.  As soon as you saw me, you would run back to your bed, grab your blanket, and motion to be picked up.  We'd sit in your chair and rock and you'd fall back to sleep quickly.  You would sleep until about 5:15.  Then you were up again for good!    We've been a little tired, but it has gotten better.  The past few nights, you've slept through the night again and have only been getting up a little earlier than normal!
Outings
We've been busy this past month!
You had you're second Halloween.  Such a cute little ghost!

You went to your first show - Disney on Ice. We went with your friend Ella and you loved it!

You thought you were home, because you insisted on taking your shoes off!

Date Day with Dad - Daycare was closed, so Dad stayed home with you.  You went to a bounce house with inflatable moon bounces with your friend, Adelyn, and then out to lunch!  You had so much fun!

This month has been one of the best!  You are for sure your own little person, with an ever emerging personality.  It's so fun watching you grow and I'm so thankful that I'm your Mom!
I love you through and through.  Yesterday, today and tomorrow too.
Love,
Mom

The Thankful Project: Day 19 - A Book

I go in spurts where I will read a lot, and then not at all.  I normally don’t have a lot of down time to read, but when I do I normally fall asleep reading.  It’s really a lose/lose situation.  I’d venture to guess I will love reading a lot more when I have more time for it.

That’s why my favorite book isn’t one published by a well-known author.  It’s not on the New York Time’s Best Seller list.  It’s one that you’ve never heard of.  It’s called Letters of Life and Love.  It’s a book written by us, Brian and I.   I’m so thankful for this book now and I know that it will become treasured even more as the years past and the vivid memories of McKenzie’s first year fades.

Before McKenzie was born, we each wrote her a letter.  We talked about how the pregnancy had been, how excited we were, our thoughts and our fears.  I knew from the day I was pregnant that I was going to write her letters throughout her first year.  I also knew I wanted to write one before she was born.  One day when she is pregnant and feeling unsure of the future and what it holds (because every single Mom-to-be goes through it), I wanted her to be able to have a letter from me.  To know that all of the worries, concerns, fears and excitement is normal.  When I told Brian that I was going to write her a letter, he said that he would write her one too.

What started out as one letter, turned into letters for each month of her life from both of us.
We typed the letters each month.  Brian wouldn’t let me read his letters, until I came up with the idea for the book.  He told me that these letters for McKenzie and that if she chose to share them with me one day, that maybe I could see them then!  I’m glad he had a change of heart!  His letters are amazing and I know something that McKenzie will look on with love throughout her life.

I decided to compile the book through Blurb.  The program was user-friendly and easy to use.  The book is made up of two chapters –Letters from Mom and Letters from Dad.  We included pictures with each month of our letters.

We had it printed shortly after her first birthday and it turned out incredible.  It has a hard cover and the pages are beautifully glossy and thick.

We’re not sure when we’re going to give the book to her, but it something that we can’t wait to look back on over the years.  It’s already fun looking back to see how far we have come as parents and how much she has grown.

I’m so thankful for this book and that we decided to take the time to document our lives and McKenzie’s for her first year.

What’s a book that you are thankful for?

I’m linking up with Kenzie over at Chasing Happy for the month of November.
Be sure to stop by and check it out!

The Thankful Project: Day 18 - A Choice

We make choices, day in and day out.  We make big decisions and decisions that are made without much thought and effort.

Today, the one decision that I’m thankful we made was to send McKenzie to an in-home daycare.  I’m thankful for Jen and the love that she’s shown my daughter for the past year and a half.
One of the biggest decisions that you make as a soon to be mom is whether you will return to work or stay home. For those of us who are not lucky enough to be able to stay home with their family, there's yet another decision - what daycare? Should I choose an in-home or a center? What's going to be best? I know this is a heated debate and there are strong opinions for both sides. That's not what this post is about. This post is about the decision I made for my family, which has turned out to be one of the best decisions I've made thus far!

We met Jen through a referral after our original daycare plans fell through.  Our spot was given to another family, a current family who recently told the director that they were expecting their second child.  I completely understood why this was happening, but as a planner and an emotional pregnant woman, I was devastated.  I had everything planned out and now it all seemed to be falling through.
That’s when we found Jen!  It’s hard to see it at the time, but everything works out exactly as it should.  We were referred to Jen by a friend of my sister’s.   We met with Jen at her house and I instantly liked her.  The house was immaculate – you would have never known she had crazy kids running around all day – and Jen was so warm and welcoming.

I hadn’t even had McKenzie yet, but I was anxious about having to go back to work.  There was just something about Jen.  I felt confident with her.  She has four amazing little boys of her own, so I knew instantly I could feel comfortable with her.  She knew what she was doing.

Daycare Crafts

My maternal instincts didn’t lie.  What started off as a typical daycare/parent relationship has evolved into a friendship.  McKenzie loves Jen and Jen has welcomed McKenzie into her family, as if she were one of her own.   I’ve grown to trust Jen.  Pick-up’s take longer these days, because a friendship has formed.  Jen fills me in on McKenzie’s day and then the conversation continues.  We’ve vented about things that have made us frustrated and have become each other’s sounding boards.  My words aren't doing this justice because I adore Jen and her entire family!

Throughout the past year and a half, she has been McKenzie's Mom away from Mom.  She has been comforting to McKenzie when necessary, has taught her so much and has even been tough when needed.  Time outs have occurred, but McKenzie has always learned her lesson.  Jen is everything that I could have hoped for!

McKenzie's first time-out

My heart hurts to know that McKenzie won’t be going to Jen’s after this summer.  McKenzie’s grandmother is retiring and going to watch her.  She’ll be spending part of her time at a preschool and part of the time with her Bibi (what McKenzie calls her).  I know this is good for McKenzie.  It will enable her to make all of the memories that I made when my grandparent’s watched me.   She will still be equally as loved and looked after (if not more…you know how grandmothers are!), but it’s a change, and change is never easy for me!  It will be a new routine, new drop off schedule, new location.  It’ll take a few weeks and we’ll find our new rhythm.  We’ll have a new normal.

We’re amazingly thankful that Bibi will be able to spend time with McKenzie, but I’d be lying if I didn’t say that a big part of me will miss Jen.  She’s what I know.  She’s my resource and my friend.  The day I told Jen that McKenzie wouldn’t be returning next year, I sobbed like a baby.   I am dreading McKenzie’s last day with everything in me.

I know her new beginnings are going to be just as great, but I know that a huge piece of both of our hearts will be left with Jen.  We are thankful beyond words for her and the love that she’s shown our family.

Today, take the time to thank those who take care of your children when you can’t be there.  They are so important and are often taken for granted.

Words can’t express how grateful I am.

I’m linking up with Kenzie over at Chasing Happy for the month of November.
Be sure to stop by and check it out!

The Thankful Project: Day 17 - A Room

I thought long and hard about this post.  What room am I the most thankful for?  My bedroom?  A place of solace and rest.  The bathroom?  As a Mom, sometimes it's the only place that I can get away, and even then, I'm rarely alone.  Even with the door shut and locked, I see little hands under the door and the constant, "Ma...Ma...Ma".  Hilarious, yet frustrating.  Although not a room, am I thankful for my car and the quiet time I spend in it thinking about life during my commute to and from work?   The dining room?  A place that our family gathers to recap our day.

The more I thought about it, there's not one particular room that I'm thankful form.  The ones that I am thankful for are the rooms that are filled with family and friends.  The location and room may change, but the togetherness, the silliness, and the love are the things that make me thankful.

I talked about my feelings on family and being together, here.  Pretty much sums it up!
I'm thankful for any room, as long as it's filled with love and the chance to make little, every day memories.

I’m linking up with Kenzie over at Chasing Happy for the month of November.
Be sure to stop by and check it out!

The Thankful Project: Day 16 - Something You Own

What is it that I own that I’m thankful for????...I just couldn't decide.  To me, this thankful seemed so materialistic.  There are many things that I’m thankful I own.  I am thankful that we own our house.  We worked hard to get it.  It reminds me to continue to work hard.    I am thankful for my car.  It allows me to get to work safely each day, so I can continue to do the job that allows us to live in our house.   I am thankful for my wedding rings.  That when I look at my hand, I am reminded of our love and commitment
I’m thankful for all of these things, but the thing that I am ultimately most thankful for is this…
I am thankful that I own my actions.  That I own the right to decide what’s best for me.  That I am becoming stronger each day in standing up for myself and not allowing myself to be treated badly.  I continue to discover my voice and my strength each day and I’m really thankful for that.

What do I mean by this?  Prior to a few year ago, I let people walk all over me.  I was in horrible friendships that I was taken advantage of.  I was taken for granted.  I did things that made others happy, often forgetting about what made me happy.  I was a peacekeeper. Even if something bothered me, I internalized it and never spoke up.

Well, something has changed.  I have grown and developed a different kind of strength.  One that I’m sure I've always had, but never knew how to voice.

Don’t’ get me wrong, I am still a peacekeeper more often than not.  I avoid drama at all cost and never look for a fight.  I am at a point in my life where I don’t need that.  There’s just so much more to life!  Yet recently, I've started standing up for myself.  When someone hurts me, treats me bad, or walks all over me, I tell them!  No longer am I silent.

I believe in forgiveness and second chances, but when someone hurts me repeatedly, I've learned to walk away.  That’s it’s okay to cut ties.  I've learned that you don’t need something so toxic in your life.
I’m thankful I own the right to decide what’s best for me.  I’m thankful that I've found my voice. I’m thankful that I’m making positive decisions for me.

What are you thankful for?

I’m linking up with Kenzie over at Chasing Happy for the month of November.
Be sure to stop by and check it out!

The Thankful Project: Day 15 - An Annoyance

I'm sorry vs. I Apologize...

I recently was greeted by an email when my alarm sounded at 5 a.m.  It was from an employee that was upset and irate with another employee.   She wanted me to be aware.  She wanted me to mediate.
The scheduling worked out and they were both able to meet on the same day.  I sat them down and we discussed the issue and the altercation that occurred in front of fellow staff members the night prior.  I felt as though it was a good discussion and it ended well.  Side note:  I always get nervous when I have to mediate.  I know it's something I need to get over as a manager, but it just doesn't get easier for me.  
There was a phase though that stuck with me throughout the entire meeting.  Each party kept saying, "I apologize...Yea, I know I was wrong...I apologize...I see where you are coming from...I apologize".  Those words stuck with me.  I apologize. 

I found myself wondering if each party was really sorry.  It's easy to say I apologize, but harder to say, I'm sorry.

It made me think about times that I've been wrong and needed to apologize.  Do I do the same thing?  I know that when Brian and I have upset one another, he is infamous for saying, "I'm sorry I made you mad." Let me be clear - that's not an apology.  If I could rewrite the sentence, what I believe he's saying is, "Sorry you're a hormonal, mean, awful woman today and that everything I do upsets you."  It's not an I'm sorry.  Normally, it makes me even more upset.  I'm thankful that this doesn't happen often in our house.

I don't know what made me hone in on this, but it stuck with me.  I will be more cognizant of my word choices.  Besides working hard to avoid circumstances in which I need to apologize, I will work even harder when I do make a mistake - to take ownership for what I've done wrong and to say...I'm sorry.

It means so much more.

I’m linking up with Kenzie over at Chasing Happy for the month of November.
Be sure to stop by and check it out!

The Thankful Project: Day 14 - A Blessing

You know how when you've lost a loved one, you search for signs that they’re still with you?  You hold on to those memories tightly, but during special events or times of uneasiness, you search for signs that they are there and that you are making the right decision?  Maybe it’s just me, but I believe in those signs.  It’s really such a blessing to feel so connected to those who have gone before us. I’m so thankful for these blessings.

After my grandfather died in 2004, any time I thought about him or missed him, I would see a yellow butterfly.  I laughed it off, but deep down inside thought of this as his special way of communicating to me.  That he was missing me too.

Well when my grandmother died a few years later, I would always see two butterflies.  Two little yellow butterflies together.  It was my sign that my grandmother and grandfather had been reunited, yet still wanted me to remember them.  Call it coincidence, but any time I am thinking about them, contemplating life, or wondering if I am making a good decision, I always see them.  It’s an assurance that I’m doing the right thing and that everything is okay.  I love my little sign that they are still here with me.

It’s not just me that thinks this either.  Brian’s grandmother passed away a few weeks after we were married.  She was on hospice for a week or two.  The nurses kept warning us that the time was coming that she would pass, but she didn't.  This went on for a few days.

She did eventually pass, on a cloudy, overcast, gloomy day.   The setting outside was perfect for how we were feeling inside.  Shortly after she passed, the skies cleared and there was a rainbow.  My husband’s whole family joked that it was her sign to us that she had made it to heaven.

Even on special events, she’s still with us.  There was a rainbow on the one year anniversary of her passing and even at my sister-in-law’s wedding.  The wedding was in Florida and a storm was moving in right before the ceremony.  Again, the skies cleared just in time for the pictures and the ceremony.  What was captured in the picture below is truly amazing.  Granny Irene was there with Erin on her wedding day as well!

I miss our grandparents.  I miss the holidays with them around.  I miss the fact that they aren’t here to celebrate the new ways that our family has grown.  Yet, I am thankful beyond words for the little blessings we experience that let us know that they are here with us!

I’m linking up with Kenzie over at Chasing Happy for the month of November.
Be sure to stop by and check it out!

The Thankful Project: Day 13 - An Ability

This was a tough one for me.  I struggled and even Googled abilities that others were thankful for.  Many were thankful for the ability to run, walk, the ability to see, the ability to taste. None of those jumped out at me.  Although I am thankful for all of the above, I’m most thankful for my ability to feel and to feel deeply.
I work at a hospital.  I see miracles, but I also see the sadness that sickness can bring.  I talk to the patients.  I talk to their families.  I learn about their lives.  I listen to their stories and I feel.  I feel deeply.

One patient vividly sticks out in my memory.  She was an older lady who had been on and off of our unit a few times throughout the course of the year.  I had spoken to her on previous visits so we knew each other.
This particular visit was extra hard for her.  Her daughter, who was in her 30’s, died suddenly.  She was in the hospital and very ill, so the doctors would not allow her to leave for the funeral.  She was heart-broken.  I was heart-broken for her.  I can’t imagine losing a child.  I can’t imagine not being able to be there for the funeral.    She just kept saying that she felt like she didn’t have closure.  My heart hurt for her.

I am big at thinking outside of the box.  Although our hospital didn’t have anything in place to help, like a computer or I-Pad, I did.  I reached out to the patient’s other daughter and voiced how I would like to help.  I said that we could Skype with my phone so that she could be a part of the funeral.  She needed that closure.  The daughter was blown away that someone wanted to help in that way.

I gave the daughter my cell phone number. She was going to check to see who had a way to Skype with me.  The next day, the Church’s pastor called me.  He had an I-pad that he was going to let a family member use for the service. Prayers had been answered.

The next morning, I knocked on the patient’s door and went in.  I informed her of what we were able to work out and called the pastor.  Everything worked perfectly and the patient was able to be a part of her daughter’s funeral.   I asked if she wanted me to leave, so that she could be alone.  I wasn’t sure if it was too personal for a stranger to be there with her.  She grabbed my hand, smiled at me and said…you are my only family I have.  Please stay.

I sat with her for an hour.  I held her hand the entire time.  She cried and I cried.  I didn’t know her daughter, but I cried.  I felt the pain that she was feeling - the pain of losing a loved one, of being trapped at a hospital, a feeling of helplessness.

I haven‘t seen the patient since, but I think of her often.  I wonder how she is doing.  I wonder if she remembers that moment. It’s a moment that I will never forget.

I am thankful for the ability to feel deeply.  It allows me to connect with others.  It compels me to action.  It helps me empathize.   It’s something that I’m so thankful for!

What's an ability that you’re thankful for?

I’m linking up with Kenzie over at Chasing Happy for the month of November.
Be sure to stop by and check it out!

The Thankful Project: Day 12 - An Opportunity

I’m linking up with Kenzie over at Chasing Happy for the month of November.
Be sure to stop by and check it out!

I've been given so many opportunities in my life. Opportunities that I succeeded at, excelled at and made those who gave me the opportunity proud.  I've had opportunities that I've missed, failed, or given up on.  Through all of life's successes and failures, the opportunity that I'm most thankful for is the one to be a Mom.
I'm going to pause and be real here for a moment. For years prior to wanting children, I would often find myself praying that I wasn't pregnant. The timing wasn't right, our life wasn't where I wanted it to be and we just weren't ready. Then something changes. You decide you are ready to start a family and then you find yourself praying that you are able to conceive. You worry that you won't be able to. You drive yourself crazy!

And then it happens! God blesses you with the gift a child. You find out you are pregnant and life instantly changes. From the first nauseous feeling to the kicks, heartburn, sleepless nights and being downright uncomfortable, you are a Mom.

Then the most perfect little girl is born. Your world changes for the better. You experience a love like you've never experienced before.

I am thankful beyond words for the opportunity to be a Mom. To lead my daughter by teaching her - through words and actions. To watch her grow. To support her through life. To be tough when necessary, yet always her friend.

I know that our relationship will evolve over the years. There will come a time where we are not friends at all. Yet I know, there will come a day that she will need me. When she becomes a Mom herself and realizes that every single action was done from a place of love and worry.

I also know that one day I will grow old and need her.  Life will come full circle.

I pray every day that I am succeeding as a Mom.  That I teach her what she needs to know, that I spend enough time with her, that I focus on her, that I don't lose my temper and that I have more patience.
It's easy for us Mom's to lose sight of how much we do right in our day.  It's easy for us to focus on what we've done wrong.  I'm sure many of you have seen this already, but for those who haven't...watch it.  It's a good reminder that even when we are judging our successes and failures as Mom's, that in our children's eyes...we're doing alright!

A New Perspective For Moms from Elevation Church on Vimeo.

I thank God every day for the opportunity to be this little girl's Mom.  There truly aren't even words to describe it.